R-E-S-P-E-C-T - Find Out What it Means to Me

As I was writing this blog post, Aretha Franklin's song lyrics were ringing in my ears:

R-E-S-P-E-C-T 

Find out what it means to me. 

Public Domain

In teaching, what do you do when your students don't show you RESPECT?

What do you do about the child who targets your biggest pet peeve? You know, the one who makes the same annoying sound over and over without regard to your countless warnings. The one who won't stop touching somebody else but complains when that same neighbor touches them. The one who stares into space and accomplishes nothing while the minutes of class tick away. The one who goofs around during group work and gets everybody off task.

What about those children who lash out during class, who threaten others or maybe even you?
Those students who drop cuss words without thinking...or caring?
Are there students who roll their eyes when you instruct them to do their school-related tasks?
What about those students who put zero effort into the project that you so carefully planned out?
We want to teach them to show us proper respect, right?

For many years, the conversation I would have with the types of students described above was one of respect for authority. I demanded that they follow (read: obey) classroom expectations out of respect for the teacher (me) and the other learners in the classroom. It worked in some situations, and at times that was what was needed in those moments when other methods did not work. I do believe that teaching respect for authority is of extreme importance.

I think this conversation must shift away from what we expect FROM the students and toward what we desire FOR the students.

High expectations are paramount to good teaching, don't get me wrong, but I think students can rise to your expectations if offered a right relationship.

Instead of communicating that I need respect FROM my class, let's make sure our language shares loudly and clearly that we have big plans FOR the students. Providing students the opportunity to succeed and then to reflect upon how they arrived at that point will reveal to them that their hard work has paid off. Gracious guidance along the way with a focus on the teacher-student relationship proves to students that you care FOR them and offer to them your respect.

Which of your teachers did you value?
I would gamble that the teachers you valued were the ones who invested in you, the ones who valued you first.

I desire for the students to be successful, but what can I do when students just don't put in the effort?Besides checking in with the home (which can be either refreshing or frustrating), I need to make myself available to the students. I must be there for them. I should look for opportunities to connect. I want to create the best learning environment for everybody in my class, and it begins with my attitude toward them. I need to insert myself into their lives. But how can I do this appropriately?

Yes, these are common sense, but these practices are a good reminder of how to initiate a good relationship with your students:

• Get to school early and be there for those who need a "Good morning. How are you doing?"
• Blatantly tell students that you are available any time, even if you're just working at your desk and you look really busy.
• Walk around and check in with those students you don't normally speak with.
• Make eye contact in the hallway with as many students as you can - smile, nod, or say hello!
• Be goofy with your students.
• Embarrass yourself sometimes.
• Explain why there's a consequence if one is needed.
• Talk it out and listen to their perspective; if talking doesn't work, take it to the next level.
• Show them you don't have it all together (but don't share too much!).
• Tell them they can stop in for help after school.
• Go to their school sponsored sporting or club events.
• Get to know their parents.
• Know how to spell and say their names.
• Ask them how their weekend/day/morning was.
• Find areas of common interest. Or better yet, learn something new in order to connect.
• Look students in the eye when they want to tell you something.
• Leave written feedback (compliments and improvements) on all or most written work.
• Make sure students know which personal boundaries cannot be crossed.

Ensure that your students know you first respect them, and then you will have their full attention.

Hear the song lyrics from the student's perspective:

R-E-S-P-E-C-T 

Find out what it means to me.

What would it look like if in every behavior issue we tackled we began with verbally affirming our concern for the student's welfare? What if we started by sharing the respect we have for the student? Instead of telling the students that they need "to show US respect to get respect," we should model it for the students: we must "show THEM respect to get respect."

So welcome that student into your class with a smile. There will always be a chance for conflict in the classroom, but if you approach the situation by showing respect to your students, I'm quite certain you'll get respect in return.